Originally published in the Aug. 11, 2002 issue of the Patriot-News
by Mary O. Bradley
of the Patriot-News
A child is never too young to learn good manners, said etiquette instructor Hila E. Tamez Schryver, whose clients range from pupils in elementary school classrooms to executives in corporate board rooms.
From saying please and thank you to learning respect for people and property, good manners adopted in childhood not only help a youngster in school, but they lay the foundation for success in the business world, said Schryver, author of "Ms. Hilda's Adventure Into the World of Manners."
While she appears before coprorate clients in regulation business attire, Schryver wears a different hat literally when talking to children. In fact, she wears many hats, changing chapeaux to illustrate different lessons in etiquette.
When she tells youngsters about good table manners, she wears a hat with a knife, fork, and sppon. She dons a headpiece decorated with fruit when discussing proper behavior in the supermarket.
Using colorgul illustrations of Ms. Hilda with her funny hats, cat's-eyeglasses and red dress with its white Peter Pan collar, the 21-page "Ms. Hilda's Adventure Into the World of Manners" provides gentle lessons for youngsters on courtesy at home, in school, and in the community.
"I made it as simple as can be so they can see the negative way and the positive way," said Schryver, a former Hampden Twp. resident who lives in Missouri but continues to have midstate clients. Carrying her bright blue bag of props, she presents children's programs in elementary schools, bookstores, and libraries.
Schryver said parents can begin teaching manners even when their children are infants. "The way you react nonverbally with a child, the cooing, the way you hold the baby, that all has to do with the kindness that you are showing that baby.
"As soon as the child starts to say no and the parent says no, the parent needs to start saying please and thank you," said Schryver, who founded Schryver Enterprises LLC in 1986. Her company develops customized training programs in etiquette, customer service, communication skills, mystery shopper, leadership and sales. She is fluent in Spanish.
Just as adults with good manners are team players in business, children who have learned respect "are able to relate with others better. They are able to work together in the classroom."
When training a child in good manners, a key mistake many parents make, Schryver said, is capitulating to the child's misbehavior. For example, a child may ask for a toy in the grocery store, and the parent initially says no, but "I would say nine times out of 10 by the time I get to the register and the parent is still with the child, guess what the child has?"
Discipline must start even before the family walks into the store. The parent explains to the child the purpose of the visit and names the items to bepurchased. The parent tells the child that if the child starts to whine or throw a tantrum, they will leave the store.
"Before you get out of the car, you say again, 'What did we come to the store for?' You ask the child and have the child tell you."
Once in the store, "if the child says 'Mommy, I want,' say 'remember we came to the store for these three items. Now what were they again?"
If the child begins to misbehave, "then you follow through, whether you have to drop everything or not. I can tell you there are parents who are doing that." Conversely, rewarding good behavior, Schryver said, can be as simple as praising the child after they leave the store.
"Parents whose children are obeying will tell you that they achieved this state of affairs bot by punishing the kids but ny making themselves perfectly clear every time they spoke. I have heard from some parents, you don't speak to your child just to persuade them, you speak to them with authority."
Schryver also conducts business etiquette classes in high schools. Employers have told Schryver that some new hires are disdainful of their jobs. "Sometimes that young adult has this mentality that you owe them the job. They are disrespectful. They don't call in if they are going to be late. They don't call in if they are not going to come in at all. They don't want to play on the team."
Schryver said she tells young job-seekers the company's executives are "allowing you to come in and represent their company, and you choose to do that. So you need to take some ownership, and you need to represent it the best way you know how."
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